This is a great time of sadness and woe.
Crying and sobbing everywhere.
This is a time of great happiness and cheer.
Laughter and drunken slurred speech everywhere.
We fought well, men, women, even children.
We learned a lot, and despite many troops dying,
we may actually be stronger.
We fought well, all of us, and we learned that the guy named
Leg Humper is one screwed up and awesome guy.
Dahae can be proud. We fought together,
Like Cats and Dogs and Mice and Fleas all
standing shoulder to shoulder to fight off
the evil Rhinos and Two Hump Camels.
(FilthySanchz: hehe….Two Hump)
Kranarius can be proud. We FREAKING WON!
Soon, we will be moving over to our new and foreign land
looking to rebuild and start anew. Hoping we get good neighbors
who bring us brownies and fruitcake.
They’ll be coming over soon, guys!
Look for good spots for them to port
and put a few farms there so we always
have a spot we can sneak into!
I hope they don’t read Leg Humper’s blog and think about
a strategy that might make our move more difficult.
LOL That guy Leg Humper just posted he hoped we
didn’t read his blog. WOW! Like WHO DOESN’T!?!?!
So while our major alliances and leaders, and a handful of
rogue players who really never wanted to be a part of a greater good
for Dahae will all be porting over, we can be proud we put up a good
fight and can be optimistic that our new
kingdom-mates know how to fight as well.
Hah! Those idiots lost, and they’re still trying to make themselves
feel good about it! Wiping them out of existence will be easier
than we’d hoped for! Keep pretending to be friendly!
We’ve met some great people so far.
And also some guy named Zeus.
LOL! They’re totally buying into it! Keep it up guys!
There’s Witchy, Dixie, Trippy, Mazzy, Slammy, Batsh1tCrazi and Dread.
(I feel like I’m naming the 7 Dwarves. Or Santa’s Reindeer!
On Dixie, on Witchy! On Donner, on Blitzen!)
And Lord, and Gnarl, and Dropkick, AllyK, Cortez,
Raven, 8Ryan8, and SO many more, I KNOW I’m leaving
a bunch out, and I’m so sorry, because my chat doesn’t scroll back
to see the names of the people we’ve chatted with!
Just one dude to remember. Leg Humper.
If we get him on our side, we’ve already won.
We’ll be a stronger kingdom together,
as we can lead more rallies on more targets,
and once we work out how we each work,
working as a team will mean greater KVKs and Kill Events
for Dahae……sob….I mean Krainarius.
We can make them trust us
and once we’ve gotten them to drop their guard
we can come in one night in one swoop and
level them all! Wipe them off the Kingdom Map!
(Insert evil laugh here)
Anyone here hear an evil laugh
coming from the next room over?
No? Ok. No worries then.
Hah! That was close. Shh you idiots.
So moving forward, we will be a FORCE to
be reckoned with, a tsunami overtaking a small fishing boat,
an army of Storm Troopers (when they were commanded by
Yoda, not later under Vader)
We’ll be the Death Star, blow them all up!
HAH! Good one! High Five!
(Sad music playing in the background, on a phonograph
player, with a warped LP, doing its best to not sound crackly
So on Wednesday, we will all pack up our SH,
and put them in our handkerchief, tied to the end
of a stick, throw them over our shoulder and take the long walk
to Kranarius. Passing through small towns as we leave Dahae,
accepting small hand-made trinkets from local children,
offers of tea or food or sex from the local women, just as a thank you
for being great and upstanding individuals (while Balla gets rocks and
feces thrown at him by those same children, and some monkeys. Just
random monkeys in my vision here. Don’t judge.)
As we pass to the end of the Kingdom,
and look over it’s beautiful landscape,
remembering the great times we had here, the friends we’ve made
the enemies we’ve crushed, those who fell in battle and
couldn’t get back up, those who just pissed their pants the
first time they saw a rally coming and just decided to close the app
in hopes that it wouldn’t actually break their phone,
all of them. The ones who came, and went. The history,
the old alliances full of spit and vinegar ready to take on the world!
But ended up not learning where the shield button was fast enough.
So many we leave behind. We stare. Leg Humper stares.
A single tear forms and slowly drips down his cheek,
following the contours around and to the corner of his lip.
He sticks out his tongue and laps it up. (Making a slight slurping sound)
and says to the no one in particular…
” Dahae! It has been my honor and my pleasure to
fight on your land, kill your monsters, crawl through the forest,
sit atop the wonder throne as your king for a short while, (which, by the way
was the BEST and most prosperous
time Dahae every had, you’re welcome)
To you all here with me, I wish you the best of luck, no matter where you
make your new home, we will always consider each other neighbors,
and no matter what alliances you may join or ally with,
we will always call you BROTHERS in battle!
(Leg Humper points in the direction of Krainarius, away from Dahae)
He says “Onward HO!” (AllieX, I promised a mention in my next blog, right?)
And All of Dahae walked into the sunset, heads held high by the knowledge that
Leg Humper was with them, and they were safe, and that was good.
The reached the top of the hill, and looked over the crest,
down below, they could see their new homeland, Kranarius.
It looked a LOT like Dahae, The hesitated, then began the march down the
hill toward their new home.
Solemn, but strong, united, a force they believed
would be able to withstand any opposition, because they had HEART!
(And Leg Humper)
Hey guys! Here they come (snicker)
They’re shorter than I pictured.
They smell like monkey feces.
Oh wait, that’s just THAT one.
Everyone, pretend to be friendly!
Filthy. Pick your pants back up and please stop waving that thing around.
You’re gonna knock someone out with that thing.
THE END….or IS IT!?
Thank you for reading this far.
Hero: Leg Humper
Kingdom: DAHAE #94 for just 2 more days.