Leg Humper, A Story of Life, Death, and a Russian Prison

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Recently, several of the larger alliances in Dahae attempted a zeroing of a 1.4 B player from the hated Russian DF alliance. 3 alliances came in strong with fully cored up full rallies…..all 3.…poof…gone. Several more players from each of our alliances tried the same to burn him and release the heroes, to no avail. Comical, sad, painful, it was hard to watch as another tried and failed, poof, heroes gone. (I believe he caught 10? Pretty impressive, actually. Evil Rus, my hat is off to you.)

My hero, LEG HUMPER (Who many consider to be the best named hero in the game today, though this is mostly based on the 1 vote I received on this topic) has been sending out encoded messages to me, updating me on his time in the DF prison. I will share the messages with you all.

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 1. “Well, THAT just happened! The cores I was wearing have never let me down before. I fought hard, killed many, the troops I commanded died good deaths, but I am sad, as a leader of a large army, to see so many die. The only thing that gives me solace is that in a few days, I’ll be killed and resurrected and be able to avenge my brethren! LONG LIVE MGD! LONG LIVE DAHAE! Leg Humper ROCKS! “

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 2 “Well, this sucks. Turns out I’m kept in a cell with the other captured heroes. Although many of them are pretty cool, Loiosh’s hero keeps making, what I can only describe as “goo goo eyes” at me. I’m creeped out, and a little afraid to sleep. Candy’s hero is a little afraid of me, and every time I go to give her a friendly wave or high five, she flinches and runs into the corner and squats down low. Not sure if it’s something I did, or the way Candy treats her. Darkthorne’s Hero is feverishly scratching at the walls of the cell, trying to reenact the escape from Shawshank Redemption perhaps? And Canadians Hero keeps asking us to look at the “deposit he made into the toilet bank” No thank you. Smackdowns hero is just standing, staring out the 10’ high small window at the sky, hasn’t moved, hasn’t spoken, nothing. Hopefully, something changes around here, as this can get pretty boring staring at all the wack-a-doos around here. I’m sure they’re thinking the same about me. I hope something happens soon, this won’t be fun if this keeps up like this. I did see a DF guard take out a picture of Dahae Fighter from his shirt pocket, salute it, then put it back. Weird, because I don‘t think he knew anyone was watching….”

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 5 “Wow. I probably shouldn’t have asked for something to happen. This was bad. In all my travels across Dahae and many other kingdoms of GOW, I have never experienced this. I’m not sure I can really talk about it. Frankly, I’m a little unsure of what I just saw.”

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 5 and 3 minutes “Did you really think I couldn’t talk about what I saw? Do you know who HarryCubed, my one and only superior, is? BAHAHA! I will tell you what I just experienced as best I can. Ok. So Smack’s Hero hasn’t moved. Still. Not a sound, not a flinch, just staring out the window. Dark’s hero, still scratching at the walls, but now muttering something about QAOJ’s hero and how he treated her hero when she was held in his prison, hoping they don’t do THAT to him. Canadian’s hero has moved on from his toilet humor and has started licking things. The bars of the prison, the floor, Candy’s hero’s elbow while she slept, Smack’s hero’s whole face. (Still, not a flinch, nothing) Loiosh’s hero asked me to “cuddle” with her to “keep her warm”, but when I agreed, she was like “No humping”……it’s my name, it’s who I am, what does she expect? Kenji’s hero and BOO HOO’s hero apparently are an item. They make a cute couple. Though I’m really not sure what Kenji’s hero sees in him. Ok. So the big story. At first, he was quiet, just sat around, hanging out, nothing major. Then Black Mamba’s hero gets up and starts climbing the bars of the jail cell, yelling things at the guards. He wants to see the “big guy.” Says he’ll give him info that he wants. One of the guards leaves, presumably to pass the message along. A while later, the big door to the prison opens, and stomp, stomp, stomp, someone is coming down the stairs….echoing footsteps….It’s Dahae Fighter! A Chubby teenage boy who looks like he has never actually SEEN sunlight, potato chip crumbs still on his shirt, wearing black eye makeup to try to make him look tough, I guess? But it just makes him look more Goth and effeminate. He walks slowly to one of the guards and whispers something we can’t make out. Then turns, and walks to the prison cell bars. “Which one of you has info for me?” he squeaks out. (I expected a big booming voice, but it’s kind of a nasally annoying voice, the kind of voice that makes you think someone is playing “kick the cat” in your neighbors backyard. Mamba’s hero says “Me. I have what you’re looking for.” Then he turns around, drops his pants and moons Fighter. I catch a glimpse. Tattooed right there on his right buttocks, an arrow pointing to the anal orifice, and a tattooed sign above it that says “Former home of Dahae Fighter.” All of us that saw this burst out laughing, a scene resembling a dozen monkeys in a cage screeching and whooping it up. Fighter, obviously mad, but still maintaining his wits about him, takes out his flip phone, takes a picture of Mamba’s hero’s buttocks, closes his phone, and says “If you knew what I was going to use this picture for, you’d be totally embarrassed!” and leaves. We THINK we heard him cry a little bit, but we’re not completely sure. Smack’s Hero still, nothing, staring at window, no response, though I think I saw the HINT of a smile when Fighter left all upset. DF guards are interesting. They seem small and powerless, but THINK they‘re big because they have some big friends. One guard walked over near our prison cell, pointed his gun at us, pulled the trigger, squirted water out at us, looked at his gun, like it surprised him, muttered to himself “They told me we‘d be big and powerful, what‘s with the water guns?”

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 12 “Dark’s hero scratching at the walls wasn’t from nerves or going crazy. Turns out, he figured out, somehow, that behind that wall was a cable he could tap into and get us internet access. (You have these updates thanks to Dark’s Hero!) He said “My site is important to many, I have a responsibility to all those people to stay in contact with them all.” Truly honorable. A little nerdy, too. In my boredom, I started coming up with Limericks. here’s my first attempt.

A DF who couldn’t play nice
Your actions come with a price
You’ve pissed off the land
Few stayed to make a stand
May your armpits be infested with lice.

I hope they get better, but I don’t think this was a bad start?”

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 15 “Limericks are tough, may never attempt another one. How do you rhyme with QAOJ!?!?! Today Balla came to visit. We didn’t know he was there, until he spoke. His voice, seemingly coming out of nowhere. No body, no face, just a lot of hot air blowing around the prison. We didn’t hear much of what he said, but he certainly had a lot of stuff to tell us, as the hot air blew around that prison non stop for a couple of hours. Even the guards were falling asleep listening to him. We’re not sure when he left, but at some point, the hot air stopped blowing around. “

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 22 “ I got some sleep, finally. Loioshs hero hasn’t stopped staring at me since we got put in here. I got woken up by QAOJ. Turns out, I think she’s a dude. I woke up to a deep voice mumbling something, not sure what it was, but opened my eyes a bit to see who the strange voice was coming from, and there was QAOJ, sticking her…um…his tongue in the ear of one of the guards. Her…his 5 o’clock shadow very evident. The only thing I could hear her…him say clearly was “Oh come on Ivan, that picture that fighter showed me has me all hot and bothered, I could really go for some man loving right now” and that was immediately followed by that guard taking a running leap out the nearest window screaming “Not again you freak!” and plunged to his death 100s of feet below. QAOJ looked at us in prison, looked at Mamba’s hero, slowly, up, down, in a deep voice “mmmm hmmmmmm, yummy”. We all felt dirty seeing it….then he/she left. The one remaining guard, after checking to see that QAOJ was indeed gone, looked at me and said, “Ivan may be a pile of shattered bones and meat-mess right now, but that won’t even slow him/her down from getting what he/she wants from him. Frankly, I’ve wanted to push him/her out a window for some time, but I’m pretty sure he/she would just come back as a blood sucking leech on my testicles, just like he/she has offered to do for me for $10.” We all got quiet as we pictured this image……none of us looking the others in the eyes….except….Loiosh’s hero, staring intently at me…..

From Leg Humper
Day 1, Hour 24 “It’s been one day. One freaking day in this prison, and I’m tired of the Russian food and Russian accents. I feel like I’m listening to Chekov from Star Trek non stop when I hear the guards talking. “Vee vill vin this var werry werry soon. They von’t be able to vight us because vee are too strong. Soon, they vill surrender to us. Vighter says so.” I have a headache listening to it.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 2 “I had to get it out of my system. I humped a guards leg. I’m not an animal or crazy, just had a need to fill. I picked the least manly looking female guard and proceeded to hump away. Only cost me 1 shiny button I stole off Smack’s hero’s uniform. He still hasn’t moved, and one button won’t make a difference, right? Well, the only bad part about the leg humping session was that the female guard hasn’t shaved her legs in….well….ever…..and I now have rug burns on more parts of my body than I’d care to mention.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 7 “QAOJ came to visit us again, smelling of barnyard animals and rotten meat, still unshaven, he/she walked in, put up a hand as if to “silence” us from talking. Then left. Not sure why he/she felt the need to block us from speaking to him/her, but he/she left before we started to care enough to ask why.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 8 “Warm breeze again, guessing Balla is talking again, but still, no sign of his actual body, just a disembodied voice, saying the same things over and over, hot air…..lots of it.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 10 “Got another visit from Dahae Fighter. He walked in, wearing a nice blue skirt. He took a deep breath and said “BAHAHA! You all are weak! You shield so we can’t hit you, then you hit us and zero us, and then when we try to rally you, we can’t fill a rally, so we hit your farms, and take the resources, and we don’t share them with each other, because we don’t trust each other! You all are weak!” Then Candy’s hero looked at Fighter and said “Hey, fighter? Do you know you have a hole in your pretty blue skirt?” And fighter grabbed where he thought the hole was, clenched it in his fist as he ran out of the prison and up the stairs yelling “you all are weak! I’m strong! DF is the best! Where is my seamstress! I need to fix my pretty blue skirt!”

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 12 “Smack’s hero, not a word, hasn’t moved, didn’t eat when we got food. Nothing. Loiosh’s hero is currently braiding Candy’s hero’s hair and painting her nails, talking about me, non stop. Candy’s hero is being very patient but occasionally rolls her eyes when Loiosh’s hero says something over the top, followed by a half hearted “Totally agree Loi!” A DF guard looked at me and winked today. I think he wants me to hump his leg. He tells me “you’re not as manly as QAOJ, but you’ll do.” I back away and try not to throw up.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 13 “Candy’s hero couldn’t take it anymore. Loi’s hero hadn’t stopped talking about me for ONE MINUTE in the last hour! Candy’s hero turned around and slapped Loiosh’s hero across the face. Loi’s hero sprung at her, tackling her to the floor, there was so much hair pulling and slapping and kicking, I couldn’t keep track of who was winning, who was losing, and who was going bald. Mamba’s Hero took out a small note pad and indicated he’d be taking wagers on the outcome of the fight. Carebear’s hero, who we thought was just a stuffed animal left on the bed, says “hey everyone! Look under the bed! Hundreds of boxes of JELL-O!” This is gonna get fun soon! I’ll be back later.

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 13 and 5 minutes. “Well, that didn’t go as I’d hoped. 1st, we have no water to make the Jell-O with. We were desperate, and tried to urinate enough liquid to make some Jell-O for the wrestling match, to no avail. Once Loi’s hero and Candy’s hero realized what we were all doing and planning, they stopped fighting, became best friends, and have since become man-bashers. Get this. They won’t even kiss and make up, like I asked! Jeez. Major let down. Mamba’s hero actually made some $ off the rest of us, as he was the only one who actually bet on “Both heroes see the guys trying, unsuccessfully to urinate into a box of Jell-O and realize they cannot let the guys win, so they become best friends and man bash” Who’d have seen that one coming…Mamba’s hero apparently…

From Leg Humper
Day 2, Hour 15 “I’ve been re-named. Dfkickdmyars is my new name. Though I admire the fact that my captor has decided to spend the gold to rename me, I’m disappointed it wasn’t more creative. I THINK we saw Ballas actual body today. He came into the prison, looked like he was ready to kick some serious butt! Had a whole bunch of troops with him. Walked in, looked around, then turned around and left. I only think it’s Balla because that’s basically how he rallies players in the game anyway.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 2, Hour 22 “Today, I am beginning to understand my captors. Perhaps even understanding how they think. Maybe, even if only for a moment, agreeing with them. In the absence of more kill events, this game can get a bit tedious, boring even. Farming for cores and pieces, and RSS, to help us build during peace time, so we can be stronger for kill events, so we can win them, so we can get more kill events, this is the stupid way to play. What we SHOULD do is attack each other, tile everyone we can. (Except former members of our alliance who now reside with an enemy, but who farms without fear of being tiled…..hmmm…..) hit off line players who are small enough that even if they come on line, will only shield, not fight back, attack farms, every farm, because now, in this game, RSS are the key to success! Now, get this. What we will now declare is this. “We do it to strengthen Dahae! So Outlanders don’t get the points!!” BAHAHA! They’ll be so confused that we play this way because we don’t get enough kill events, but kill our own kingdom in order to make Dahae stronger for kill events, they’ll TOTALLY forget that we will attack our own kingdom during actual kill events! BAHAHAH! We can farm Dahae, even though a kill event is on. We can attack Dahae at one of the wonders, ultimately giving it to the outlanders, because they’ll be too confused and/or mad to do anything about it! WOO HOO! Perfect plan! Now, everyone, make sure your shields are up because if they ever DO figure out we’re weak and hide behind our screwed up logic, they might come for any one of us.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 2, Hour 23. “Several of my fellow prisoners here took turns slapping the stupid out of me after reading my last message. I’m over it. I’m truly sorry I started to get that Stockholm Syndrome thing going on. BTW, of all the heroes slapping me, Candy’s Hero with a closed fist actually clocked me hard enough to pop a tooth out. it slid across the floor and landed at the feet of one of the DF guards. He picked it up, smiled at us, and put MY tooth into HIS mouth in one of the gaps he had. Now he has like 7 whole teeth in his mouth. Corn on the Cob is in his future with a few more slugs from Candy’s Hero. She hits like a 300lb Biker. Smack’s hero, in an unbelievable display of self control, did NOT hit me. Frankly, the number of people I know who want to hit me on sight is pretty amazing, for him to still not move while everyone had a free shot, wow…..impressive.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3, Hour 1 “Smack’s hero is still unmoved since we got put in here. We decided to try to break him out of it, like the guards in England who wear those big poofy hats. We’ve started to mess with him. I started, tried tickling his ear. Nothing. Candy’s hero tried licking his cheek. Nothing. (Well, nothing from Smack’s hero, I got a little something out of watching that…..) Mamba’s hero tried twerking and gave him an inappropriate lap-dance, nothing. Carebear’s Hero tried taking a running start and jumping into his arms, hoping he’d be caught like a baby…..but no, he just dropped on the floor with a light puffy sound….Boo Hoo’s hero tried to make him blink by throwing fake punches at him. Nothing. Dark’s hero tried promising Smack’s hero that he could write his own blog on his site, since Balla doesn’t want to do it. Nothing. Loi’s hero kept telling him dirty jokes. Nothing. Kenji’s hero, well, I won’t be able to mention what HE did….but let’s just say it would have gotten a man with no eyelids to blink. But, nothing. Canadian’s Hero just stood in front of him and ate some beef jerky, with his mouth open. That’s where I would have snapped, but still, nothing from Smack’s hero…..

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3, Hour 5 “Well, not much going on lately. Some warm breeze again, guessing Balla had something to say again. Fighter stopped by, but didn’t come in the prison, just stayed outside the door, peeked around the edge. When any of us moved even a little, he flinched and started up the stairs, all we could see was his blue skirt blowing in the hot breeze. QAOJ visited us. Full regal dress. Crown. Scepter. Carried by her smaller players she commanded. She came in. Held up her hand to silence us. Turned around, looked pompous, left again. Not sure what that was all about. I watched a DF guard pick his nose, then wipe it on the other guards shoulder.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3 Hour 7 “I got bored and tried to get the DF guards to make their own limericks. Working with their level of intelligence wasn’t easy, but they had one that I kind of liked.

In DF we must all watch our backs
The big guy makes us buy packs
If we don’t buy enough
Fighter gets werry rough
He makes us vatch vile he kisses a Yak

It made me laugh.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3 Hour 12 “Lunch time in DF Prison.
Turns out, iTunes/Apple is no longer accepting Rubles as a real currency, but you can buy “monopoly bux” with any Rubles you mail to Apple. They will convert them into “Apple Bux” for you to buy things with. But that means bad news for us for lunch, as the only way we were getting decent food previously was Fighter made his underlings buy “food packs” from Apple in order to stay a member of DF. They did so, not because they wanted to be a DF member, but because they are too afraid of this nut job and his buddies to leave. Now, we have to suffer with what Russians consider “good food” like grizzly bear meat, served inside a set of nesting dolls with a shot of vodka on the side. At one point, I’m not certain, but I THINK they served us meat from that guard who jumped to his death. The only reason I think that is because the meat smelled of QAOJ and had a picture of Fighter stuck in it that I had to pick out. But I’m just guessing. I’d rather not think too much about it.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3 Hour 15 “I tried to get the DF guards to play a drinking game with us. WOW can they drink! While everyone got drunker and drunker, weird things started happening. Loi’s hero told me she was in a constant state of holding herself back from professing her true feelings for me, but she loved me more than just about anything on Earth. Canadian’s hero and Mamba’s hero can apparently dance pretty well! The more drunk they got, the better at dancing they god. Mamba’s hero, unsurprisingly, was more proficient at the better known dances, like the Mamba, the Waltz, The Meringue, etc. His Salsa he did with Candy’s hero was impressive. Canadian’s hero, on the other hand, can pop and lock and break dance like I’ve never seen! He can do the moonwalk, the robot, etc. But when he did CRUNK, DAYUM! That guy can dance angry! Carebear’s hero….CANNOT hold his liquor. About 3 shots of vodka in he got sick and puked all over the jail cell. Vodka mixed with stuffed animal stuffing everywhere. Actually, watching a carebear puke wasn’t as gross as we would have expected. It was almost kind of cute. Kenji’s hero gets angry when he’s drunk, but that made for some funny moments when he got angry, but couldn’t explain why. He was staring at Smack’s hero, trying to be all tough, was like “You, and your…all…tough…..big guy….stuff…..think you’re like all strong….and like…yeah….(points finger at his chest and pokes him) like ouch….that hurt…..you big man, you” It got funnier later, but we were all laughing so hard, I forget what he actually said to make us laugh, but it involved a lot of slurred and angry words. The DF guards got WAY more interesting as they got drunker. Turns out many of them are pretty nice guys, but they can’t figure out how to get out from under the DF thumb. They thought HV was the answer, but when some left and said “It’s even verse here! These guys think hitting everything in the kingdom VON’T get them zeroed, as long as they claim it’s just “in fun”. Idjits.” Then they thought it was funny when HV started trouble in the kingdom, and their only response was to come crawling back to DF and ask for help. Kinda funny. HV: “You all suck, we’re leaving” DF: “Ok, Bye!” HV: “Wait, we need your help” DF: “Ok, come on back” HV: “Cool, thanks. It was scary out there!” DF: “Yeah, we know. Check your shields.”  Well, at the very least, drunk DF guards are OK people. Even THEY can’t stand their own leaders. LOL!

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3, 2 hours till execution
I’ve become resigned to several facts. Despite the run down rotting prison cells we’re stuck in, we’re not getting out alive. We’ve been captured. In much the same way as a bear might be captured in a bear trap, we were strong, but ultimately captured by a pretty effective trap. (Now, the funny thing is that though the trap did all the work capturing the bear, the guy who PLACED the bear trap there feels like he has captured the bear. Lol.. Nope. To the rest of DF, you didn’t do it. Evil Rus deserves all the credit here. Well done sir.) Another fact I’m resigned to, I’m not enough man for Loi’s hero. I get the impression she’s just bored, or desperate enough to show interest in me, but mainly because she knows she could make me do anything she wants. Thirdly, when I’m resurrected, I will be strong again. When I’m renamed back to my original name, I will be proud to wear the MGD tag, and I will be proud that I fought along side, and died along side, some pretty incredible heroes from MGd, VK, ODU, XX@ and EzT.

From Dfkickdmyars
Day 3, the last hour
Smack’s hero moved today. He turned around. Though the look on his face remained seemingly the same, I could almost detect a slight, almost imperceptible smile. He walked to the bars. Said in a very low whisper. “Bring me your leader” The DF guards looked at each other, and both ran out of the room. The spots they had just occupied both had a small puddle of urine there now. A few minutes later, down came QAOJ, Fighter, Balla, and a whole BUNCH of others who thought they were leaders of this rag-tag group of misfits. They all came in, but very differently. Balla came in, only after everyone else came in, and he stayed as far away from Smack’s hero as he could, while still being able to claim he was in the room. QAOJ came in, sitting on the shoulders of his/her weak underlings. There were trumpeters, playing music as he/she entered making it seem like it could be a big deal, but the song they played was the theme song from Benny Hill. Fighter kind of snuck in with the rest of the group, but we could see it was clearly him, cowering behind many others. His blue skirt, unmistakable. Smack stood still at the bars of our prison, staring. QAOJ asked to be put down on his/her own feet, and when he/she was standing on his/her own, he/she warily approached the bars, being careful to stay far enough away to not be in danger, while close enough to seem like he/she was brave. He/She said in his/her deep manly voice, “what do YOU want? You weak piece of garbage? You know nothing. You ARE nothing. I know…..” Then…..wow. I’ll do my best to explain what I saw. Smack’s hero reached through the bars, grabbing one of the guards QAOJ was careful to keep between him/herself and Smack’s hero. One handed, he pulled him in, lifted him up, swung him sideways like a whip and caught the back of QAOJ enough to make him/her stumble toward the bars. Once close enough, Smack’s hero grabbed him/her with both hands, and pulled him/her and wedged him/her in to the bars. He readjusted and grabbed him/her by her wig, ripping it off and throwing it at Fighter, hitting him in the face, who then screamed like a little girl threw the wig to the floor and ran out, clutching his pretty blue skirt the whole way. He ran into Balla who was standing right next to the door, ready for a quick exit. Balla and Fighter proceeded to fight each other to get out of the room first, each grabbing and pushing the other behind him. QAOJ, still wedged against the bars and held onto by Smack’s hero, let out a pathetic little deep voiced cry. Smack’s hero then did something I thought impossible. He pulled on QAOJ, through the bars. Now, though his/her head was FAR bigger than an average human head, I mean, like Barry Bonds steroided up sized head, a head so big it has it’s own gravity. He/She must have some INCREDIBLY strong neck muscles to keep that head up. But, still, even with the size of QAOJs HUGE head, he SQUEEZED it through the bars, he/she getting stuck at the neck. As QAOJ’s minions pulled on his/her hips and feet to try to free him/her, Smack’s hero calmly walked back to the center of the cell. Sat down, folded his legs, rested his hands on his ankles, and closed his eyes, seeming to be very satisfied with himself and not at all afraid of the death that would soon be coming. He opened his eyes briefly, looked at me and said “You owe me one button” then closed his eyes again.

The next thing I know, I woke up in my bed in my home, snuggled up in a nice warm blanket, HarryCubed standing a watchful eye over me. He patted me on the head, said “You did well, I thank you for being brave and for giving up your life in service of your kingdom, of your alliance and of me. You have earned my respect, and I will rename you back to Leg Humper as soon as you’re feeling strong enough for the ceremony.

My final message/shout out to each hero I spent 3 days in a jail cell with:

Canadian’s Hero: I dislike Canadians now, more than ever, because of you.
Care Bear’s Hero: Stay soft, man, stay soft.
Kenjii’s Hero: Though we didn’t talk much before, I think now we can give each other a fist bump when we see each other.
Boo Hoo’s Hero: You and I need to go out and kill some stuff one day. Just you, me, our bare hands, and some Russian Vodka.
Mamba’s Hero: You might very well have the best decorated buttocks I’ve ever seen.
Darkthorne’s Hero: Your genius inspires me. Your Genus is Homo.
Candy’s Hero: You hit like a dude. You fight like a dude. You licked Smack’s hero like a giraffe. I’m impressed by them all.
Loiosh’s Hero: Dr Seuss once said “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Now I know why you never slept in all that time in the cell with me. I’ve met me. You are completely justified to be that much in love with me.
Smack’s Hero: What can I say. It was an honor to be near you while you squished QAOJ’s head through the bars like a lemon through a pasta roller. I owe you one button.

Thank you all for reading. This Story is only BASED on actual events, not a direct description. Some of the names and situations may be caricatures of actual people, or maybe their just SEEM like caricatures despite being pretty spot on in their descriptions. Thank you to Charity74 from ODU for giving me a little push to go with this topic as my next blog!

p.s. Not sure if Evil Rus read my very 1st blog, but in it I stated my preference to not use foul language. Though he did rename another hero with off color words, mine, he stuck with “ars”. Coincidence, perhaps, maybe he read my blog and thought it would be respectful. Either way, Thanks!

 

Author: Darkthorne

I like to play and blog about games. I play a wide range of titles on various platforms i.e. PS4, PC, iOS, XBOX. MOBA, MMORPG, F2P, CCMOBA. Game of War, Overwatch, World of Warcraft, Mobile Legends, and CoD WW2. I host live streams on Twitch at www.twitch.com/dakrthornelives and Youtube at www.youtube.com as "DarkthorneX". Thanks for visiting!

22 thoughts on “Leg Humper, A Story of Life, Death, and a Russian Prison”

      1. My apologies… That piece contained everything a great work should. Drama. Intrigue. Romance. I laughed. I cried. I put it down to eat dinner, then came back again. Yes, it was such an amazing read that I continued reading it after dinner when I could have just turned on TBBT. Thank you, Harry, for sharing Leg Humper’s story, the best named hero today, with all of his adoring fans. 🙂

        Better? 🙂

  1. Harry,

    That was AWESOME! I almost thought I was there… Thankfully I wasn’t.. Especially during the jello event .. My condolences to Leg humper… Glad he is safe and sound back with you.

  2. Brilliant… Can’t wait to share this with my friends as we’ve had conversations imagining what our heroes are doing while imprisoned!

  3. It is ridiculous. I look forward to a sequel. My prison is clean and comfortable. In the evenings, beer and dancing. Come.

    1. I look forward to one day, visiting your prison as an honored guest, not as a prisoner. Thank you for the comment!

  4. Yes, the best reading I’ve ever had about GoW I will definitely share this with my friends from K180 🙂 BTW Congratulations for standing up against tyranny, I personally admire your and the others’ courage and I’m sure this will inspire other kingdoms to fight for themselves.

    1. Hey! Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it. Share it everywhere! Even your non Gow friends might enjoy it!

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